so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
