Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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