You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
