are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
