my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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