If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
