you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
