Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
