@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My feet surprised me
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
