Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
"it" just moved
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
