girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
