Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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