dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize