You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
