guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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