Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Two words: blizzard sex
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
