so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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