I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
