I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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