I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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