She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
