i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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