in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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