i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
