i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
