Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
