What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
