Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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