Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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