I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
