We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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