He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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