I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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