is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
