Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
