So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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