I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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