so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
