I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
