I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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