I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
