he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
