matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So drunk its hurt
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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