Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just forgot I was standing up.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
