There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
