something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
