bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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