Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
