People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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