Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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