If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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