Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize