Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize