Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
