i permit you to call me
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
