I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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