That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize