I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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