Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Found your dick twin last night
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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