When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize