The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
