ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
