i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
