Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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