happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
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