dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize