So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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