No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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