you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
