wakey wakey hands off snakey
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
