I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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