You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
