I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
