I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
