I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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