tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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