i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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