jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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