There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
